Another thought of the day:
Listen, it's currently 3:15am and I know I'm supposed to fix my sleep schedule, but right now, my thoughts need to be written so I'm writing another post and maybe another one after hahah.
I just came back from a club and... I really got to say that it is NOT my vibe at all.
I mean yes, I fucking love dancing to songs and singing songs that I know, but everything else is just no no.
Like the whole environment is not for me.
I would much rather sit down somewhere with some good food and have a REAL conversation with someone than whatever small talk is happening at the clubs.
And for once, I realized that it's okay not to like clubs.
In fact, it's okay not to like whatever I don't like and to like whatever I do like.
I think because of my people pleaser side, I always tried not to be me. I was afraid that if I'm truly me like 100% me, then people won't like me. And who the fuck wants to know that nobody likes them? No one.
Consequently, I'd always try to blend in with the crowd, follow what other people are doing even if I knew that deep down, I hated that shit.
I mean, I'm talking in the past, but I STILL do that.
But the more I grow up, the more I realize that it doesn't fucking matter and that I should aim to just be the most myself possible.
Even if me being 100% myself means that no one in the world likes me, the most important part is that I will like myself and love my life. I'm obviously talking to the extreme here and am pretty sure that some people would like me if I'm being and doing 100% of myself (well, I hope hahaha).
It's like every time I go somewhere and have to talk with total strangers, I always have such a hard time finding things to talk about and I'm just here constantly worrying about "omg, am I being boring" "what should I talk with this person in order to connect with them". Screw that.
The reality is that if I'm talking to someone and we literally have no common topics of interest then I shouldn't even care about that person. Obviously, not in a disrespectful way, but more like "hey, we're totally different people, I do me and you do you, but maybe we shouldn't hang out together." And that's PERFECTLY normal. I mean, I need to remind myself that it is normal.
When I'm being me. I know it. It just feels awesome, it's effortless. I don't have to rack my brain or think about things. I can just be, exist, flow and that's enough.
You think when I'm having conversations with Mr. PDS or Mr. WHAAAAT or Miss JB that I'm here thinking about what to talk about? Hell naw. I just say whatever is on my mind, I'm just being me and that makes it awesome.
I like going to the gym. I like playing badminton. I like talking about problems and how to solve them. I like talking and philosophizing about life. I like to have fun and joke around. I like being curious and learning about different things.
I'm sure there are many other things that I'm not thinking about and even if that's all there is to me, who cares? At least, I shouldn't care.
And if you see this and find me boring or find that I'm wack, then fuck you, respectfully.
I'm truly tired of trying to be someone else for the sake of other people that shouldn't even matter.
I just want to be me as much as possible.
And I fucking know that it's going to be hard because I'm such a fucking people pleaser, but I really want to concentrate and focus how being aware of what makes me feel alive. When I catch myself being happy, that's when I'm being me.
You know what's cool about this also? It's that I know the more I become true to myself, the more people who do not like me for me will start fading out of my life and the more people who like me for me will swarm into my life.
So yeah, let me concentrate on being the most me possible !