Embracing my sensitivity (#109)


Day highlights:

  • Good work meetings about future products.
  • A bit of suit shopping & general shopping with JB.
  • Gym gym gym.
  • Jo Koy Netflix special while eating with JB.

Thought of the day:

I woke up extra sensitive today.

It's a mix of fatigue, grey weather and, I don't know, hormones or something haha.

I knew I was sensitive because all the little worries I had in the back of my mind grew bigger and bigger until they occupied my whole mind.

Not only that, I was also gravitating towards a certain type of music, where the lyrics could really be heard and felt.

One little video chat with JB also had me extra safe and reassured and I just wanted to squeeze her so tightly, lucky enough that she let me be part of her world.

Also, I had teary eyes twice today.

One time by watching Jeremy Jordan perform his excellent rendition of "She Used to Be Mine" from the broadway show called "WAITRESS".

The other time was because I watched a 45 seconds clip of a Judge Judy episode where she has to deliberate on who gets to keep the dog and as soon as the dog is put on the floor, he immediately runs to his real owner and, of course, the owner is a grown man crying.

I usually wouldn't bat an eye by watching these types of things, but, as I said, I was extra sensitive today.

It feels weird writing all this and not caring about what other people think about it.

There was a time where not only would I have never wrote this, but I probably would not even to admit to myself that I was feeling sensitive that day.

Indeed, I remember back in Cegep, I was so scared and afraid of being hurt or rejected if I showed any signs of emotions that I'd always put on this protective shell of being emotionless.

But all it did was make be insensitive, mean and most of all, vulnerable to everything and everyone because I was constantly scared of being discovered.

I am no longer that person though.

Today, I decided to write about my sensitivity because I am grateful for it.

Emotions are my greatest reminder that I am human and that I am alive.

After all, could we even say that we're alive if we're just a body going about their days, without any emotions? Just constantly neutral about everything?

My cegep-self might have said yes, but my current self definitely thinks not.

Most of the time, I'm a happy, joyful, playful person and I am glad for my usual self, but I know that I cannot be happy, joyful and playful if I do not know sadness, joylessness and solemness.

This is a little dedication to *all* my emotions, the good and the bad and although there might have been a time where I wanted to get rid of all of you, I now definitely embrace every single of one you.

Thank you.

Good night.

Subscribe to nijahusa

Don’t miss out on the latest issues. Sign up now to get access to the library of members-only issues.
jamie@example.com
Subscribe