Extremely lost... again (#142)

Day highlights:

  • Attended my first Sunday service.
  • Attended my first Sunday school.
  • A bit of shopping with JB (bless my air purifier, hope it'll fix whatever thing I'm currently having).
  • Brought JB over at my momma's house to have supper with my family for the first time.

Thought of the day:

Wow, a lot of "firsts" today.

I really liked the subject discussed in the service this morning, it was a message about love (loving others and also loving God & Jesus Christ).

It meshed well with the subject from last night about individualism vs community because it talked about how no matter how far you go in life or how successful you are, it doesn't mean anything if there is no love or if love isn't shared.

I know I've been saying this whole time that I've been lost and have no idea what to do; however, I think now more than ever. I REALLY am lost.

I think attending church these past two days ignited an even deeper curiosity for christianity and this curiosity is clashing with the person I've been for the past 27 years.

Not even in terms of beliefs and values, but more so in regards to what should I do with my life.

Or what next step I should take.

If I've learned one thing this weekend is that the way I think has been derived by the tricklings of individualism throughout society. I'm not even going to lie, all I can think about whenever I consider my next steps is "what about me".

I'm somehow fearful that I won't like where I end up even though I have no idea where I want to end up or what I even want.

All I know is that I don't want to end somewhere and be like "ah shoot, I don't like where I am."

It's such a silly fear, but it's there.

I will pray about it tonight.

Good night.

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