Forgetting who I think I am (#104)

Day highlights:

  • Did groceries for tournament with JB & Mr. FS.
  • Fun conversations in the car with them.
  • Arrived to a big spacious motel in Sherbrooke (yessss).
  • Looooooooong shower.

Thought of the day:

Today, I thought about something I wanted to do.

It had no great purpose and it won't give me any benefits except the joy of doing it.

I obviously had trouble with this because I always think that most things need to have a goal or contribute to a greater life goal.

Not only that, but it had absolutely nothing to do with who I defined myself to be up until now.

And the more I thought about it, the more I thought that this was absurd.

The fact that I currently define myself as someone who's more "techy" just because I graduate in software engineering and worked 3 jobs in that field is simply ridiculous.

Why would I choose to define myself based on something I didn't even consciously choose?

You know how I picked my major? By following what my brother did.

It wasn't a conscious choice.

Yet, here I am, telling myself what I should or should not do based on this arbitrary major that I chose.

I guess this can be applied to many other things.

How many decisions do I make based on values or traits that were simply passed down from my parents or my friends or my environment?

I think the more I'm able to identify where exactly this so-called "identity" I defined for myself up until now comes from, the easier it'll be to move on from it and make space for an identity that I actively choose and am / want to be.

Good night.

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