I lack resilience and don't know what to do about it (#051)

I guess just venting about my lack of resilience.

Day events:

  • Woke up late.
  • Went for a walk to Canadian Tire (walks feel so good, I should do them more often ! Good time to think about life also).
  • Dropped off a few things at Mr.PDS's house.
  • Ate supper at Mom's place (thanks for the meal !).
  • Little revamp of my room (added 2 storage items).
  • Brief convo with my ex (sorry for hurting you, it wasn't my intention, I'm an asshole, don't know if I'll ever trust myself ever again, relationships suck).
  • Finished Paripi Koumei (great anime 9/10, would definitely recommend. It's certainly inspiring).

Thought of the day:

Resilience.

There must be some scientific research out there that found a correlation between resilience and success.

Success in the broad-term of "getting what you want out of life".

I've known this for a long time now.

Resilience (or grit) is definitely something I used to have and no longer have.

I still have a bit of resilience in me, but probably not much.

I can't persevere for shit. I mostly do what I feel like doing and anything outside of that is goners.

Shake my head.

I actually think that growing up and becoming more responsible of one's life and actions is part of the cause of this lost in grit.

Think about it.

When we're young (or younger), we do a bunch of shit we don't want to do. We simply are following orders either from our parents, teachers, mentors, etc.

As a consequence, we continually have micro-doses of uncomfortable things and over time, it builds up our resilience (or we can't handle it and go haywire).

That's when, when it came down to it, I was someone who was able to get shit done and push through challenges.

Indeed, all those years of doing things that I didn't want to do, made me accustomed to getting things done no matter what.

However, once I become an "adult" and realized I didn't have to take orders from anybody (including at work), I simply stopped doing things that I didn't want to do.

Consequently, I stopped training myself to push through hardships and became this soft pile of mash potato. As soon as I have to do something "hard" or something that I don't want to do (often because it's a pain in the ass), I simply don't have the will to do it.

And that's so bad.

It's been years now that I've conditioned myself to think this way and I don't know how to get out of this.

I know that to attain the life I want, even if I don't have a clear picture of what it is YET, I will definitely have to do things that I do not like to do.

So why not prepare myself now?

Why not start doing things that I do not like doing / want to do in order to prepare for the future?

Or is it perhaps a lack of motivation? A lack of alignment between what I want and what doing the hard thing gives me?

Ah, I don't know anymore.

Also, even if I wanted to do "hard" things, where would I even begin.

Welp, I thought this was heading somewhere inspiring, but it just ended up being more mash potato thoughts.

Oops.

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