I no longer need to escape, it's great (#070)

Day events:

  • Took my appointment for an osteopath to check out my neck.
  • Summer picnic with the team (I really love my team, they're awesome).
  • Gym session (I hate doing pull-ups and dips, it just reminds me how weak I am compared to my 2016-2017 track self haha).
  • Badminton session (I played well today even though I was dead ! Only eating snacks between the two sessions is so much better).

The grateful section:

  1. I am grateful for my body and whatever thing I'm doing that's keeping it healthy. Like holyshit, I'm doing a gym session + badminton session and my body feels fine. I am not in pain, soreness yes, but no pain pain. I love it and can feel myself becoming stronger.
  2. I am grateful for my team. Okay, something I didn't know is that when I'm with a bunch of strangers, I'm pretty shy, but once I know know you, I become a social machine and I'm at that stage with my team where I can just be myself around them and it's a fun time.
  3. I am grateful for Caitlin. She's not a relevant person in my life so I don't mind sharing her name. She's the one who cooked all the bomb food by herself for the picnic. She's a fucking rockstar. Thank you !!

Thought of the day:

As I've said to a few people, my life during the week is always go go go.

I wake up, I eat, I work, I eat, I work, I eat, I go gym or badminton or both and then head home, get ready to sleep and sleep.

And that's pretty much it.

But every Friday, knowing that I don't have to wake up early the next day, I always take a little extra time to relax. That's why I usually sleep at like 2-2:30am on Fridays (I'm trying to change this, but I like my relax time).

Today, I decided to catch up with a lot of mangas/manhwas (for the sake of brevity, I'll only say mangas, but I'm referring to both Japanese and Korean ones) that I haven't read in a while and it hit me.

Seeing the list of all the mangas I haven't read yet, I was amazed to see how little time I spend escaping my reality.

Some of them, I had like 6 chapters to catch up on, that's like 6 weeks !

It's insane to see that for 6 weeks, I did not read this particular manga.

I used to be so on top of them, yes, part of it because I actually enjoy reading them, but the other part was just to escape or to fill up my boredom.

I remember some days, I'd just refresh the homepage a few times during the day just to see if any chapters came out so that I can read them right away.

That's how badly I wanted to escape.

And this doesn't only apply to mangas.

I used to do this with YouTube, anime, manga, tv series, etc.

Honestly, ever since I don't know, this summer or maybe ever since I moved, I barely took time to consume these things because I don't really have time and I no longer feel the need to !

Something in me has truly changed.

I was thinking about tonight like going to the gym and then playing some good badminton and I told myself "wow, I can't wait to do the same thing next week."

I've been sometimes watching my friends' IG stories of them like clubbing or going to bars or drinking or partying or eating at restaurants or traveling and before, I remember having some FOMO or even being jealous and now I'm just like... "I don't give a fuuuuuuck what other people are doing, I'm going to the gym and playing badminton and that's peak happiness right there." Okay, maybe for restaurants, I'm still a bit jealous, but that's all ! Only food ! hahaha

Plus tomorrow, I'm planning on starting my creative living art aka coding some fucking apps so I'm very excited !

The only sad part is that I know that for many years, the past Nijahusa was always searching on how to get to this state that I'm in right now. Not only the focus part, but just you know, spending time doing things I like / actually living and now that I'm here, I have no idea how I got here.

Maybe I'll take a weekend or something to try and write out explicitly all the things that are different and see if I'd be able to help past Nijahusa because if, right now, past me were to ask current me for help, I honestly wouldn't even know what to say.

The other thing I'm wondering is if it's possible that some people genuinely genuinely like spending their time consuming tv shows, anime, mangas, etc. or does everyone just use those things as a means of escaping reality. Obviously, I'm not talking about the occasional consumption. More like "that's all I do all day every day" type of thing.

Alright, that's it for me !

I, for one, am happy to know that I'm no longer escaping my life and am now living it !

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