I'm fucking lost and pep talk to myself (#090)

Day Highlights:

  • Answered JB's post with a post.
  • Fun coding /mentoring session with T & V (coworkers).
  • I got to spend some *quality* time with JB & ate chinese noodle soup (thank you again for coming over and having a lovely conversation with me).
  • Badminton (played aggressively today, it's so much better than being passive).

The grateful section:

  • I could say it every day and still have it be true. I'm truly grateful to have JB in my life.
  • I'm also grateful that my sickness seems to only appear momentarily during the day (getting better !!).

Thought of the day:

I'm pretty fucking lost at the moment to be honest.

I know a few weeks ago, I wrote my post about starting Act II of my life and that went well for a whopping 3 weeks or something.

Now, I don't know what the fuck is going on with my life.

One thing's good though, I feel pretty happy.

I usually always tend to reflect on my life when things aren't going well, when I'm not feeling happy.

Now, I am actually pretty happy, I just want more out of life you know?

I think a reason for that is that I'm less on social media or I don't waste as many hours to mindless entertainment.

I barely watch 1 youtube video a day, I don't scroll instagram anymore, I'm wayyy behind on my mangas, I still watch anime, but it's only like once a week or something.

Compare that to how I used to spend my days on YouTube (legit like 3 hours per day or something) and I'm sure you can say that it made a significant difference.

Anyway, back to the topic.

Yeah man, I'm just lost right now hahaha.

I feel like in all aspects of my life (except for one - *ahem* romance), I have so many different directions I can take that I'm just like... which one should I take?

It feels like I can't choose because I'm trying to optimize for something that I don't even know what I'm optimizing for... does that make sense?

It's like I don't know what I want, but I'm trying to choose the best option based on no clear criteria. Just the best, which, obviously, doesn't make sense.

If someone were to come up to me with this exact same problem, I'd probably tell them that if they don't know what they want and all options seem as good as the others, then simply pick one and go with it.

I'd tell them that, right now, they're not moving forward in any direction and moving in one direction is better than no direction at all.

Because they don't know what they want yet, there's no such thing as a "wrong direction". It'll become wrong when they discover what they want, but it's not by standing stagnant and doing nothing that it'll happen.

Or even if they did know what they wanted and had a hard time finding the "most optimal option", I'd still tell them to just pick one.

And I guess, I should listen to my own advice.

When it comes to life, I'm interested in so many things so I should just pick one and start. No expectations. Just do it and see what happens. The worst case is that I stay in the same situation, but at least I tried something.

When it comes to the gym, think about what I want and just do it. I can always adjust later when things seem unbalanced.

When it comes to badminton, pick one thing that needs improvement and improve that. If I play long enough, I'll get to all my weaknesses and become a more complete player.

Move forward, always.

Good night.

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