I'm currently supposed to be working, but I just can't find the motivation to get any work done.
Yes, I feel bad about it, but I just can't help it.
It actually makes it worse. The fact that I want to work and somehow still do not do it.
What's wrong with me?
Is something wrong with me?
Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know.
It's the helplessness that eats at me actually.
It's always been that. Nothing worse than wanting to do something about it, but can't.
Don't know what to do so let me write a "poem":
Now, I'm just trying to express my thoughts clearly
No filters, no holdbacks, just words that I hold on to dearly
I've been stuck in the same loop for the past 5 years
So frustrating, it's hard to hold back tears
At this point, I just want some divine intervention
Anything to get me out of my current position
I've thought and thought about it, yet nothing ever came out of it
All because my poor ass is too scared to commit
See, I'm in a very peculiar situation
Something that a lot of you can probably relate to
But for me, it's not something that I want to do
Let me relay to you this explanation
My life is set if I don't change anything
Because my current job takes care of everything
And I guess that's a pretty decent way of making a living
But am I really living if I'm not enjoying the moments I live in?
See, I want to wake up and be excited for my day
Instead of it being something I wish would just go away
The problem is I do not know what makes me feel alive
Or even an idea of a direction that would make me thrive
Actually, this might not even be true
I have a vague idea of what I'd like to try and pursue
But it's so broad, I don't even know where to begin
Maybe I should go ask my buddy, Trinh
One problem down, another one to go
I still need to live, how am I supposed to pay my bills?
If I change jobs, won't the same problem just regrow
Only way to know is to do it even if it kills
But I'm still worried what other people might think
Even though they're not even playing in the same ice-skating rink
So I should be confident in myself because I have my ways
Who cares if all these people are looking at me sideways
Writing this poem really made me feel better
I now feel so much more lighter
So thank you for your participation
By listening to this self-conversation
You gave me the motivation
To do something about my small depression