Letting myself to be tired (#036)

Little post about why it currently helps me to always feel a bit tired (but happy).

Day events:

  • Woke up late late (1pm, haven't done that in a while).
  • Went for a walk.
  • Listened to a bit of MFM podcast.
  • Spent some time with JB.
  • Went to a foodfest with JB, JB Jr. & Tacos Monster (aka JB's family).

Thought of the day:

Holyshit, the more I stare at my screen in my bed, the more I just feel like sleeping.

In all honesty, I haven't slept much lately, but surprisingly, I don't feel tired during the day. At night though, it's a different story. You put me 5 minutes in my bed and I'm fucking gone. Poof. Alice's Wonderland.

Even right now, I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open to write this blog post.

If I think really deeply about it, yes, I am definitely doing that because I feel much happier these days and, consequently, my body seems to require less sleep in order to function, but I'm also doing it, I think, because it makes me not think.

This is something I noticed about myself even during my "regular" schedule. It's the fact that I work best when I'm a little bit tired. Not to the point where I'm falling asleep and I can't keep my eyes open.

No, just a litttttle bit tired. Just enough for me to be too tired to think about non-work related things during the day. Indeed, it seems like, as I mentioned in one of my previous blog posts, I tend to think when I have a lot of mental space. Whereas when I'm tired, the only thing I feel like doing  is to concentrate on the task at hand.

Similarly, I'm pushing myself into a tired state every day so that I stop myself from thinking about THE FUTURE.

In the short-term, this is a pretty good and viable solution. I feel a lot happier now (because of this + other reasons); however, it's a very crappy long-term solution.

In fact, I wouldn't even call it a solution because I'm simply RUNNING AWAY from the problem.

While thinking about it, I was able to dig out one of the reason why I think so much about my future (and hence put myself in a depressive state).

But that's for tomorrow.

Now, it's time to sleep because I'm dead dead dead af. PEACE.

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