My life is a circle (#017)

funny thought how I came back to the same starting point as 6 years ago.

Day events:

  • Onboarded the new intern (charmander).
  • Quick catchup with miss dinosaur about her time in bali + indian wedding.
  • Good discussion with my manager about a potential growth path within the company.
  • Finally played badmintonnn. It was great. Playing with the zf2 felt good. I also played well today.

Thought of the day:

This actually makes me laugh internally.

In some sense, I'm exactly in the same place I was in 6 years ago.

Back in 2016, I was in my second year of Uni.

I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, but I still persevered in my studies to get good grades.

I was also playing badminton even though, at the time, I didn't really know why I was playing it. It was something I had done for the past 8 years and so I just continued.

Additionally, I had just discovered the world of startups and was starting to get interested in that whole space.

Not super important, but I was also single back then.

Fast forward to now and I still don't really know what I want to do with my life, but am working hard (or hardly working?) at my job.

I rediscovered my love for badminton and plan on keep playing for next few years.

The only entrepreneurial ideas or side projects I have in my head are related to software.

And finally, I am single again.

I think most people would look at this and be terrified of this. 6 years passed and I haven't changed?!

I, for one, find it reassuring in some sense.

For one, saying that I haven't changed is a lie. I've had so many different experiences over the past 6 years that I for sure changed mentally at least.

The second reason why I find it reassuring is because it almost feels like I am now doing what I've always wanted to do in some sense?

Like, a few years after graduating, while I was in a more depressed state, I remember thinking back about my Uni years and telling myself that those were the good times. I was having fun and just living my life yknow?

And funnily enough, that is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I know the summer "just started", but I can feel that this is going to be a good one.

I don't really know how to explain it.

I feel as if I was doing whatever I wanted that made me happy back in those uni years. No care in the world for any adult stuff or what life wanted out of me. And then, after graduating, life suddenly hit me and I started to worry about all these adult things.

"How am I going to pay my bills?" "A house is expensive, I should start saving now" "How am I going to have enough money to retire comfortably" "You should work in a field that makes lots of money" "You should to what you love, but that will also you successful" etc etc.

And now, after taking this huge ass detour in my life path, I finally circled back to my carefree attitude.

I decided to say "you know what? fuck all this shit. Let me just do whatever makes me happy and enjoy the ride."

Obviously, I still have some responsibilities so I'm not here quitting my job and shit. I don't think living on the streets would make me happy anyway haha.

All this to say, I don't know how long this mental state is going to last, but I find it funny that after all these years of searching for "my next thing", I ended up circling back to where I started this journey.

And I'm really happy about it.

Subscribe to nijahusa

Don’t miss out on the latest issues. Sign up now to get access to the library of members-only issues.