Safe time is over (#012)

It's time to get back on track and started giving and receiving more out of life.

Day events:

  • Finished my priority task this morning.
  • Started planning my move out in end of June.
  • Had fun conversations with my coworkers (chaos, mister chef & tiktok girl).
  • Might start taking more ownerships of the changes I want at SSENSE.
  • Really good gym session.
  • Fun getting-to-know each other session with miss JB.

Thought of the day:

Ever since my injury back in 2018, I've always erred on the safe side when it came to physical things.

Even recently, one of my friends asked me to help him move and I had to decline because I didn't want to risk injuring my back.

And I fucking hate it.

It doesn't necessarily make me feel weak, but the fact that I'm 26 and I'm extra worried about getting injured? Like the fuck? Am I 26 or 66?

The worst part is that I used to always always push myself. Give 110% in everything I did and really challenged myself to go beyond. And that inevitably led to growth.

But ever since the injury, I've been giving 70-80% effort with the excuse that it was better being safe than sorry.

During badminton practices, day-to-day activities, gym sessions, etc. Always less than what I know I can do.

I'm pretty sure this mentality also poured into areas of my life. I feel like people are pretty consistent. How you do something is how you do everything.

Before 2018, I was giving 110% in my gym sessions, badminton and track practices and I was receiving 110% out of life. I had insane growth in everything.

In contrast, post injury, now that I'm only giving 70-80% in my physical activities, it also feels like I'm giving 70-80% at everything else meaning that I'm only getting 70-80% out of life. Consequently, I'm experiencing slow growth.

I don't believe in much, but I do believe that, as human beings, once we stop living once we stop growing. One of life's purpose is to grow, constantly. Imagine looking back at yourself a year ago and realizing that you're exactly the same person? Man, might as well be dead.

Anyway, today, during my gym session, I told myself that safe time is over. It's time to push myself hard again. Obviously, I'm not going to go from 80% to 110% in one go (life injuries are definitely to be avoided), but if I'm not exhausted or don't feel some type of soreness, I failed.

I'll deal with injuries and stuff like that if they ever happen. What I cannot allow myself to do is to continue playing small. Being afraid of what might happen if I give my 110%.

Cuz you know what?

Getting hurt and injured is definitely scary, but you know what's scarier?

Regret.

Knowing that I'm not where I want to be because I was too scared to push myself.

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