Slow death to the lazy genius (#163)

Day highlights:

  • Attended sunday service (ultra tired so I couldn't pay attention).
  • Participated in sunday school (better, it was more active and I even acted as a leader for one of the activities).
  • Ate at Lan Zhou Noodles (thank you JB, I appreciate it).
  • Discussion about relationship stuff with JB.
  • Took a much needed fat nap.
  • Celebrated JB's mom's birthday at Casa Grecque (food was aight, pretty expensive, but happy we could celebrate her birthday. Thanks middle sister).
  • Had a discussion about life and relationships with the broski (it had been a while !).

Thought of the day:

This weekend was pretty tiring, yet, I don't think I accomplished anything much.

It was a good example of the saying "busy work".

When your timing is used up to do some work, but that work isn't exactly important. Basically, being busy to be busy.

To be more precise, I truly enjoyed spending time with friends and loved ones and it was a good break from work; however, this weekend accentuated my belief that I enjoy working and being productive.

As I'm starting a new week, I decided that this week would be the week I start trying to get my life back in order.

After summer was done and I had just completed my pretty impressive run of fitness craze, I was left with a big hole ready to be filled with other things.

I thought something special would fill up this hole and I was wrong.

What instead filled it up was my lazy genius persona.

I can't recall the first character that made me think of this lazy genius persona, but it's a character that is present in a lot of tv shows and especially in a lot of anime.

It's that super genius of a character that gets everything solved quickly and efficiently all the while being extremely lazy and seems like they can't bother with life.

For some reason, I find this badass.

The thought that you can put "minimal" effort into something and still get the best results.

I find it so badass that I think a part of me wanted this to be me. I wanted to be a lazy genius. Someone who can put minimal effort in life while getting good results.

I even acted unbothered at work. Acted like someone who doesn't really want to work and who took pride in it.

Well, this is all bullshit. It does not serve me and is hindering me from living my best life.

My first awakening this weekend was losing so badly in that men's doubles match during the finals.

"You always get what you need, not what you want".

That loss really drove down the point that, when I really think of it, I deserved that loss. To think that I, someone who doesn't really train and just plays games 3 times a week, could beat 2 people who train together all the time and put in 4-5 deliberate training sessions per week is simply delusion. The only true reaction I should have had to that loss was "ah, it's normal", not "shit, I should have won this". Much less of being as pissed as I was. I guess that's what happens when no one is there to give me a reality check.

The second awakening I got was after coming home from the birthday celebrating. It kind of hit me that I really didn't do much this weekend as I explained earlier.

That's when I realized that "holy crap, I really have not been putting any type of work towards the life I want and I've been kind of expecting things to just happen and for my life to somehow be different".

All this culminated to the title of this blog post "slow death of the lazy genius".

I want to kill this persona of mine that does not serve me.

I'm pretty sure it's one of the reason why I kept wanting to "find my passion" or whatever. I wanted to find a passion that I was so naturally good at, that I'd be able to achieve great results with minimal effort on my part.

[Wow ! Things are unfolding in my brain while I'm writing this.]

And that's why I'd always start to doubt my path whenever things became hard or that I was experiencing a roadblock ! My mind probably went like "oh, this is not as easy as I thought it was, I must not be naturally good at this, let me see if I can find something else that I'm naturally better at so that I can be lazy and get good results".

Not helpful, not helpful, not helpful.

Moving forward, I want to gradually (hence the slow death) replace the lazy genius persona with a more helpful persona. I did not find a name for it yet, but I will eventually.

I want this persona to represent putting in a lot of working hours and always underestimating the results.

It's not the perfect persona yet, but it's the one I need right now.

Simply worry about working a lot of hours (no matter the quality) and expect everything to go bad.

Good night.

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