The end of Act I (#052)

Day events:

  • Couple of meetings day (another sad, boring day at work).
  • Wrote a small poem about how I hated my life.
  • Little pep talk by JB (thank you again, it made my day, honestly !)
  • Talk about life with CB (no, not Chris Brown).
  • Killed my gym session (even though I didn't eat, I had one of my greatest gym sessions in a while).
  • Sent the message that will hopefully bring me closer to my goal.

Thought of the day:

About 5-6 years ago, I remember having a specific night where my depression was hitting me very hard. I just didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't recall exactly what caused the depression, but it most likely had to do with career and finding my purpose or whatever.

I felt so stuck and couldn't seem to find a way to help myself. So I did the next best thing, I called my brother.

The call went extremely well and I came out of it with a little bit of hope. Hope that I might figure things out and hope that I might overcome this depression somehow.

The first thing I did immediately after the call was grab a piece of paper. A standard printer paper, grabbed the nearest sharpie I could find and wrote "FIX YOUR MINDSET, THIS IS THE FIRST STEP TO THE NEW YOU."

I didn't have a habit of doing this. In fact, this was the first of 6 times that I would do this. But something compelled me to write this on a piece of paper and tape it above my bed. I wanted to see this every day. I wanted to remind myself that nothing will change, unless I changed the way I thought.

And then... time passed. I forgot about it. Now that I've moved, I don't even see it anymore.

But today. I was reminded of it again.

Mindset is everything.

It doesn't matter how good you are, it doesn't matter how smart you are, it doesn't matter how talented you are, if your mindset sucks, you will suck.

The other way around it also true.

You might not be the best, you might not be the smartest, you might not be the most naturally gifted, but if your mindset is right, you will thrive.

Thanks to the help of JB and CB, I was able to tap in once again into an unbelievable mindset.

This mindset made me feel confident, powerful, courageous, daring and uncaring about what the rest of the world thought as long as I was doing what I wanted.

This is also the reason why I had a killer gym session. I was just locked in. I hadn't even eaten supper. My normal self would have worried about not having enough energy at the gym. But not me, not today. Today, I didn't care. I went to the gym and killed it. I even did more than what I usually do on a "full" stomach.

Cuz I realized that my circumstances do not matter. Actually, we can choose to let them affect us or not. I could totally think "oh no, I didn't eat, I feel weak" and I'd for sure go lighter at the gym because of this. Or, I could think "it doesn't matter, I'll kill this gym workout because it'll get me to where I want to be". And that's what I did today.

Now, I don't know how long this will last. As most of us know, motivation is very fleeting. It cannot sustain us for a long time. What we need is some form of discipline and consistency.

However, today taught me something very important. When we're doing something we like and that it's align with our goals, there is NOTHING that can (or should) stop us.

I also made an important decision in my life today.

I told CB that I felt like I've hit a fork in the road.

On one side, there's the life I've been living so far. Plush, comfortable, easy, but filled with dread every day.

On the other side, there's the life that I want. Hard, uncomfortable, uncertain, but filled with excitement and joy.

I've decided that I don't want to settle. I want to build and live the life that I want. And it'll be fucking hard, but I'm sure that it's 1000% times better than just flowing through life like I've been doing this whole time. This is no way for me to live.

So, I'll need to find my people. My circle of people who will continue to encourage me no matter what and who won't let me settle.

I'll also need to find a way of staying in this killer mindset that I had today.

As I'm writing all this, there's a very real fear in me that I'll wake up tomorrow and start doubting myself again and ultimately, return to the boring life I was living.

I've had moments like these a few times in the past and I've always decided to settle back into my old routine.

I know that I have to make this mental change, but I also will probably need some help to stay in this mindset.

So let me send out a prayer and hope that God hears this.

This is the beginning of Act II.

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