Transitioning from grey to black or white (#057)

Why I now want to have a black or white mentality (instead of grey).

Day events:

  • Went to go shopping (bought some house things as well as groceries).
  • Relaxed by watching some YouTube and anime (Ao Ashi is such a good anime. I think I like it more than Spy x Family !).
  • Discussion with JB about focusing on ourselves, but also supporting each other (This really highlights the importance of communication for me and I fucking love it. Being able to discuss openly and frequently is just the best).
  • Cooked some sweet potatoes + broccolini (yiooo, sweet potatoes are fucking underrated. I love that shit. It's a great substitute when I'm tired of eating rice).
  • Overall, just a pretty relax day. I initially got anxious because I had nothing to do today. It was the first time since I moved in that this happened. I didn't know what to do with myself, but then I remembered that I used to have plenty of days like this back when I was at my mom's place. Just have to be comfortable with being alone and "doing nothing" at the end of the day.

Thought of the day:

Up until now, I thought the way to live life was to try and obtain perfect balance in one's life.

Just enough work, just enough social time, just enough personal time.

If my time was 100%, then I'd be able to spend 33.3% in all categories all the time.

That's why I always made an effort in all of my schedules to try and include everything.

A bit of personal time, a bit of work time (although work is 40 hours which is more than 33.3% but anyway) and then a bit of social time.

I even came to the conclusion that I should create an app for this. An app that will allow me to track my time based on activities so that I can be aware of where I wasn't hitting that 33.3% quota.

In my mind, there was basically two grand school of thoughts when it came to balance.

The first one, the one I was following, is to try and balance everything in the micro. Taken to the extreme, this would entail essentially splitting one's day (minus sleep) into 3 equal parts. Let's say 24h - 8h of sleep = 16h. And then 16h/3 ~= 5h. Wouldn't that be great ! 5h of work, 5h of personal time and then 5h with friends.

But obviously, this wasn't possible for me (and still isn't) so instead of trying to find daily balance, I'd try to find weekly balance.

The other train of thought is to balance in the macro. This is about having a wider lens to life and saying "hey, right now, in this period of my life, it's time to dedicate my time to this area. It doesn't really matter what's going on in the other areas, right now my focus is this thing." I like to call this being extreme, but others, such as JB, likes to call it having a black or white mentality (versus grey, which is what I'm currently doing). "I'm either doing this seriously or I'm not."

This is what most high achievers actually do. They dedicate a part of their lives into one sole purpose and then once they achieve it, they start thinking about other things. Obviously, most people don't have like 100% personal time and then 0% everything else, it's just more of a 80, 10, 10 relation.

For the longest time, I thought that these two school of thoughts achieved the same result. For me, it was just a matter of preference. Are you the type of person who balances in the micro or in the macro and it stopped there.

But now, I think differently.

Not only do I think that these two actually give out different results. I also think that one of them is better than the other.

I kinda hinted at it previously, but there's a reason why most successful people follow the second school of thought. It's because it's better.

And I want to shift my mentality and perspective into adopting the black or white mentality instead of the grey mentality.

I have a hard time explaining exactly why it's better, but it comes down to the same principle as the saying that goes "when you try to be everything to everyone, you accomplish being nothing to anyone."

I think human beings, in general, are just fucking bad at multi-tasking. Sure, a select few might truly be able to do it, but I know I can't. And most people can't. All we end up doing is half-assing a bunch of things instead of doing one thing really well.

The same applies here.

I've always said that I wanted to be the best version of myself and live the life I wanted, but I never really spent the necessary time to accomplish this.

How could I?

After the time spent socializing, working, playing badminton, gymming, etc. I had what? 2 hours left per week or less? How did I ever think I'd get anywhere with this.

It was a half-baked attempt and what did I get as a result of this?

Half-baked results. Or no results at all in my case.

So now, I'm trying to rewire my brain. Black or white. Thinking in extremes.

This doesn't only apply to how I divide my time, but also how I spend my time.

I remember at some point, I felt bad about my life because I knew that I wasn't spending enough time focusing on my goals and who I wanted to be so I started using my social time as personal thinking time.

What did I end up accomplishing? Nothing.

I wasn't socializing properly nor was I really doing anything about my life.

No more.

One. I want to take the next few months (or years) to really dedicate myself to becoming the best version of myself and reach my goals even if that means less social time, less chilling time, etc.

Two. I want to be black or white in everything I do. Chill? Chill to the max. Badminton? Time to enter that killer mentality. Gym? Only focus on the gains. Social media? How do I best create this one piece of content. Family time? Enjoy the fuck out of it. Etc. Etc. Etc.

To end this, I just want to say that I think a grey mentality works well for people who want a "normal" life. It's most likely the best way to go about life, but if you're like me and you want to achieve something more, then there is no other choice than to be black or white.

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