What I learned about relationships today (#092)

Day Highlights:

  • Costco runnn
  • Badminton training (need to do more footwork / shadow - also got to see JB, exchange a moments and helped her with training a little)
  • First real meeting with the work asian gaaaaang (had an intense conversation about relationships, finished at 3:30am, but overall, super super chill).

Thought of the day:

I need to go to sleep, but also want to take notes on this epic relationship conversation I had with my colleagues soo... I'll just write bullet points or like a few sentences and try to remember to revisit them in order to complete them.

Communication is ultra important:

This one was more of a validation than something "new" I learned, but yeah. Communicate. Everything. The more you communicate, the better it is. Saying what's on our minds out loud lets our partner in on what we're thinking about and also lets them know that we're acknowledging them in our process of figuring things out together.

Never take anything for granted:

Every single action that your partner takes is a deliberate choice to do that action or say those words in that moment. They had the choice not to do it, but they still did it. Whether it be the first time they do it or the 10000th time, it doesn't matter. Acknowledge that shit. Say thank you. Say that you appreciate it. And if you truly appreciate it, then don't only show it with words, but also by returning the favour by doing actions yourself that your partner will appreciate.

What's important for you partner is important for you too:

It doesn't fucking matter what YOU think about it. It might not be important for you. It might even be fucking silly and nonsensical for you, but if it's important for your partner, you better make it important for yourself also. You don't have to necessarily understand it and you can even communicate to your partner that you don't understand why it's so important; however, take the time or make the effort to do what's important for your partner as if it was important for you.

Communication is also letting your partner know what you need/want:

A lot of times, I think we want our partner to kinda guess or "they should know" and because of that, we might not want to necessarily tell them directly, but for the relationship to work, I think the best outcome is to tell them directly because that's the only way you can be sure that they know that an issue exists instead of thinking or assuming that "they should know".

It's about meeting halfway:

I have a hard time putting this in writing, but I really feel like to make a relationship work, you have to be willing to meet your partner halfway. Meaning that even if you're mad or whatever, still try to communicate what you're feeling and try to give your partner a chance to also speak or tell them what they did wrong or if you see that they're trying, don't fucking diminish their efforts. Meet them halfway, always.

Effort is so so so important:

I don't think it's possible to find someone who is 100% compatible with your needs and you won't be able to satisfy all of your partner's needs either. The important part is our willingness to put the effort in especially for the needs that do not come naturally for us. When you try your best to change, even if it's not perfect, your partner will appreciate it because their struggles and their needs will be acknowledged. They will feel seen and heard.

Sometimes, you just gotta call it quits:

If you feel like you really really really tried and it just feels like it's never enough or that nothing will change. Maybe it's simply time to call it quits. It doesn't have to be anyone's fault. There can be a lot of effort put in, but if some "core" issues cannot be solved, then it's up to you to decide whether or not those core issues are "dealbreakers" or not.

Damn, I'm sure there are more but it's freaking 5:39am... I'll try to remember more tomorrow.

Good morning.

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