What I want out of my life (#058)

I'm feeling super calm, but powerful.

Day events:

  • Woke up super late (like 1pm or something? I want to fix my sleep schedule).
  • Did some house chores (Having a clean bathroom is very satisfying lol).
  • Had some fun little convos with JB.
  • Went to eat supper at my mom's place (Had some good ramen. I really like soups).
  • I said that I was going to install the Ring doorbell today and I fucking did (I had some roadblocks, but managed to push through and still get it done, nothing more satisfying than wanting to do something and getting it done).
  • I had a very very insightful conversation with Trinh (It was unexpected and lasted 2 hours. Packed with information. I loved it).

Thought of the day:

First of all, on track to sleep at 12. WOW.

I think it's the first time in a month or something LOL.

Second, I'm in a fucking fucking weird state of mind right now. I'm feeling very calm. As if everything is all right, which almost never happens.

This isn't going to be a structured post, it's going to be a literally word-vomit of the things going through my head right now.

Okay, so during the whole day today, I was feeling mental pressure to do something about my coaching thing.

I put my intentions out there that I want to become a life coach and now it was time to back it up with action.

In my mind, I knew that the first step was to just put it out there. Whether it be a piece of content or a story or something that essential told the world "if you're like 20 y.o. me and have no idea what you want out of life or if you have an idea, but are having a hard time taking action, DM me."

I ended up not doing this. I had a billion mental blockers (mainly about my self-image and "oh no, what will people think"), which resulted in me not taking action.

So that was pretty shitty, but I still managed to post a story that said "doing something imperfect now and improving upon it >>> thinking perfectly about something forever in your head" or something like that.

This was one of my other goals and I was able to achieve it. So I'm happy about that.

Okay, these are pretty standard things, now let's get to the interesting part.

This morning, while I was sleeping in bed, Trinh texted me at like 9:18am and told me that he's working on some cool shit rn, if I wanted to get on a call and look at what he was doing.

I was asleep so I obviously didn't do jack shit.

As I was replying to him, saying that I didn't want to do business consulting anymore because xyz reasons and bla bla bla, he called me out. He said something along the lines of "for as long as I've known you, you're always hesitant and indecisive about things, you need to reprogram your mind to not think like this." He then proceeded to describe my pattern perfectly.

  1. I get enough excitement or motivation to want to change something about my life.
  2. I take one small action towards it, but not enough to build enough momentum.
  3. A week passes by.
  4. I'm back to my old self and nothing happened.

He was basically describing my life up until now and all I had to say for it was "you're right".

Fast forward a bit, we're going back and forth in the DMs and he's still willing to somewhat mentor me. He just said "you'll learn some cool shit and I'll get to teach people which is something I like doing. [...] Let's have a call tonight."

I said "sure".

Okay, I then go to my mom's house.

I install her Ring doorbell because I said I was going to do that and even though the drill wouldn't pierce through the brick, even though I asked  one of the neighbours for a drill that still didn't pierce the brick, I managed to somehow install it.

"When there is a will, there's a way."

I go back home after a lovely time with my mom and I get on the call with Trinh.

Boom. Knowledge. Boom. Mind blown. Boom. This shit is so cool. Boom. I know how to approach my coaching business now.

I'll spare the details, but the call was very very insightful and I learned a lot from it.

But here's the thing.

After a call like this, I usually get uber excited. I usually get so excited and get so motivated that I'm ready to tackle shit and cannot wait to jump out of the gate and start.

*Side note: It's almost 12 and I'm not done writing this. Shit.*

This time though, I was super calm, I am super calm.

Right after the call, I didn't start thinking about how will I get my first 3 clients (paying or non-paying), I started thinking about "what do I really want out of life".

Because that's what started this whole thing.

And the real answer that came out was "I want my life to be about whatever I want to do, I want to do it. And that's it."

This tied into a bit of the conversation that JB and I had this afternoon, which was about being a person of their words. Meaning someone who does what they say.

Fuck, it's hard to translate my thoughts into words.

Like what if my mentality is just that I wake up one morning and I'm like "I want to do this or I want to have that".

And then I proceed to take actions towards that until I achieve it or acquire it.

Wouldn't that be so powerful?

It's like my mentality at work right?

Every day that I go at work, I'm always saying that I don't like it and bla bla bla.

My excuse is always that whenever I'm at work, I'm not doing what I want to do.

The problem is that I don't even have anything else I'd want to do.

Because, in all honesty, if I really wanted to do something else in that moment, I probably could. I work like 10 hours per week TOP.

So I think that's why I feel super calm right now.

I don't know what it means for my goals and my coaching practice or whatever.

Also, I'm sorry JB when you're reading this, you must be like "what the fuck this guy changes his mind all the time." and you're right. Mr. PDS knows about this. But welcome to my life. This is my biggest flaw / weakness IMO. Please don't bash me for this hahaha *sad pity eyes emoji*

I just feel like working on this mindset of:

  1. Being so aware of myself that I know exactly what I want
  2. Being a man of my words
  3. Black or white mentality (doing things extremely)
  4. Doing whatever is necessary to achieve what I want

is going to be fun and will pay off.

I don't know, I still want to help people, but I feel like I have these periods where I'm like "me me me me me" and other periods where I'm like "let me help the world".

Aight that's it 12:15am. Time to go to sleep. PEACE.

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