Why I'm hesitating to take a gap year (#151)

Day highlights:

  • Got to spend the whole day with JB.
  • Congratulations on becoming a personal trainer boo !!!
  • Finished bad ice cream 1.
  • Learned how to count in Canto as well as a few colors !
  • Watched a few minutes of "How to Build a Sex Room" on Netflix (Quite interesting even beyond all the kinky stuff).
  • Badminton coaching session.

Thought of the day:

The main reason why I want to take a gap year is just to know how it feels like.

How would my life be different if I could manage all my time?

Would I be productive enough to work on things that interest me or would I just waste my days scrolling Youtube?

A lot of times when I'm at work, I have a hard time focusing on my actual work because my mind wants to explore a subject or create something and I always tell myself that if I had the free time to do it, I'd be spending my days exploring and creating.

Is that true or is that just something I tell myself to make me feel better?

Although I'm insanely curious about this, there's also a more rational side of me that thinks "is it really worth it?"

One issue that is holding me back is what happens after my gap year?

Sure, I might have a better understanding of what I like and I might even have completed a few projects here and there (hopefully), but will any of them grow big enough to support me once my gap year is over? The chances are pretty low.

So then, the most realistic scenario is that I would have to find myself another job once my gap year is over.

I'd essentially come back to the same situation I'm currently in except I would have had a taste of freedom, which might just make things even more complicated in a full time job.

I do not know what to do right now. I feel stuck in many places in my life.

Not knowing what direction to take.

And yes, I know I know, any direction is better than no direction.

But the best direction is better than a random direction.

I don't know.

Good night.

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